Introduction

I struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a child. I kept my problems with it mostly secret until I was an adult. As an adult, I have been on every medication out there. Some of them made me much, much worse. Some of them helped a little at first, only to stop working shortly thereafter. And some of them made me worse. I have been to several therapists, but it was never helpful. That's not a dig on therapy. I know it helps many. I think I was just seeing the wrong kind of therapist, or there was a communication barrier we never got past. I was always told that I felt how I did because of a "chemical imbalance" and medication would correct that imbalance.

I was gaslit for decades into believing that withdrawal from SSRI's did not exist. When things got unbearable after stopping an antidepressant it was me, not any type of medication withdrawal. Then a new medication (with sometimes an added diagnosis) would be prescribed. Around and around we went. It wasn't until recently (25 years later) that I made the discovery that SSRI withdrawal is definitely a very real thing. I went through many strong emotions. Over two decades of my life being told it was a chemical imbalance of my brain, only to find out that's not true was angering, liberating and devastating all at the same time. I am now on a mission to get medication free.

I started the process of coming off my slurry of medications in January of 2025. I was on Lexapro (escitalopram), Adderall, Remeron (mirtazapine), and Lyrica (pregabalin). I first converted from Lexapro to Prozac (fluoxetine) because the longer half-life is supposed to be easier to wean from. So far, I have weaned off of everything except Prozac (holding at 5mg) and I take Doxepin (splitting 10mg pills into 5mg, nightly) to combat the terrible insomnia instead of the Remeron. I'm presently stuck here because any reduction of the SSRI or elimination of the nighttime sleep aid makes me unable to function.

My next step is to find a doctor who can prescribe compounded or liquid fluoxetine to help me do a hyperbolic taper. I have tried compounding my own fluoxetine tablets, but I am struggling with getting the accuracy of the liquid just right.

I made this site to hopefully be a resource for those who find themselves in the same situation as I am in. The process is long, discouraging, and can feel hopeless at times. Maybe my story will help make this easier for someone else.